Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Not Really Okay

Stressed.  Overwhelmed.  Exhausted.  Overall I'm just not really feeling okay much lately.  I feel like I have a million things I need to do, but I just don't want to do any of them.  I'm in a funk where the only desire I have is to sleep all day.  However I cannot do that, as I have this thing called a job that requires 40 hours of my time each week.  I am very thankful, and VERY fortunate, that so far on my husband's deployment, we've been able to speak to each other every day.  This has alleviated a lot of additional stress I could potentially be dealing with.  But nonetheless, I am still feeling more emotions flowing through me than normal.  I think about it every time the muscle just under my left eye twitches, as it does whenever I have a lot on my shoulders or on my mind.

It probably doesn't help me much that Mother's Day is just around the corner.  The bombardment of advertisements reminding me of this fact wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that my mom and I have NEVER had a good relationship with each other, and are not currently on speaking terms.  I am thankful to have caring mother-in-laws, but it still feels like a slap in the face to me when I see commercials or get emails with discounts, all reminding me to spend money on my "deserving" mother.

Thankfully I got out of the house for the first time in a while this weekend -- well, for the first time to do something other than run errands.  I met up with a friend of mine who I used to work with and hadn't seen in quite some time.  She's the only person I know who lives nearby who understands what I'm going through with this whole deployment thing, as her husband is in the Army National Guard and is currently away for about a month on training and is scheduled to deploy again early next year.  We got some yummy Italian food, drank a little wine, and spent turns catching each other up on the happenings of our lives.  If only I could go out and do that every day...

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